Condo-Fishing 5: Diamond at the Price of Zirconia

And while living in Long Island City, after moving out of Inwood, this circumstantially adopted, unwillingly over-prolonged sport of essential fishing took us back to Inwood. The irresistible bite was this ad: “True diamond at the price of zirconia.” The woman said she did not have a camera to send us pictures but we could visit it that same day. And so we did.


The building was on a noisy avenue, by some kind of ‘mom-and-pop’ yet apparently popular church, in an area of Inwood that seemed like the heart of the Latino community. The building was also clearly busy: young women and their kids, teen-agers and young men that were ‘produced’ as if they were extras from the latest rap or regetton video. On the way to this unit, I have had more than a full meal, out of the different smells flowing into the common areas. To our surprise this middle-aged woman came walking out of her place towards the elevator to greet us. Nice gesture. Until she licked one by one her fingers and offered her very well licked hand for a hand-shake! My neurons were scrambling looking for alternatives for not shaking hands, and I could feel my hand almost sucked to my side and pulling back on its way for that unavoidable shake.

If the corridors were the food department, we had now arrived at the pet-shop! I would have had a hard time telling what scent of those was the strongest. Although the flat was bright, on a high floor, with a picturesque view of the hills of one of the lovely parks and would allow enjoying sunsets, unfortunately the place was not even a zirconia! She invited us to sit down while continuing chatting, but I was ready to run away! Even much so when I saw the thick film of dust on every single surface where my eyes would rest. We would need to hire a professional cleaning army before moving here- and be ready to give them a waiver for guaranteed results!

And Karen? She rescheduled the appointment, again. Does she really want to rent the place? Is this a scam?

Lesson 1: Do not visit places without first having seen photos, no matter how sensitive the justification for not having pictures may sound and no matter how many carats this diamond may be.
Lesson 2: Beware of false advertising, unless you are willing to adapt wasting time and energy as your new hobby.
Lesson 3: Beware of the Karens of the world, unless you are willing to adapt wasting time and energy as your new hobby, or wake up with fleas! (yes, a few alternative paths take you to the same destination).

Lesson for Landlords: Beware of false advertising; you are creating unrealistic expectations and scaring away potential business. Infallible recipe if your goal is burning bridges.

From Long Island City to Inwood. 40 minutes 'in theory'; over 60 in reality. Source: GoogleMaps

Condo-Fishing 4: Going Zen

Our criterion was so wide that it took us to Jersey City, New Jersey. This is the quiet, little jewel across Southern Manhattan, on the West side of the Hudson River. Jersey City offers undoubtedly one of the best balconies to Manhattan: you enjoy the panoramic views of the island without the craziness and noise of being right in the midst of it. There are plenty of benches to enjoy this low-profile on-going show from up the cliff. Or you can go all the way down to the ferry station and delight yourself in these views while sipping a hot tea by the river. During non-rush hours, the ferry terminal is quiet, so much that you can achieve almost meditative state.

This condo was only fifteen minutes by bus from Port Authority Bus Station. It was a totally refurbished, very pleasant unit in an old building. The owner’s concept of “partially furnished” was a bed and a sofa. There was an armoire but she would take it away. Even if we would have accepted to live in this visually ‘zen’ place, what was far from ‘zen’ was the silence –or lack of. “What’s that noise?” “What noise? I don’t hear any noise”, said the man who was showing it to us. After insisting in disbelief for minutes, he reluctantly admitted that it was the heater: a massive tank that was in the backyard, just under the bedroom window!

And Karen? No news. We were anyway busy enough pursuing alternative moving targets.

Lesson 1: Ask if the place has no noise from any type (either internal or external). Lesson 2: Make sure that definitions and statements are in the same language: usually a ‘partially furnished’ for a landlord means a ‘non-furnished’ for a tenant!

From Inwood to NJC, NJ: 80 minutes. PortAuthority to NJC, NJ: 15 minutes.

Source: GoogleMaps.

Condo-Fishing 3: Dominican Republic around the corner of Siberia

As in wildlife where the animals migrate from one zone to the other, in NY the scenery also changes because of this migration factor, which in turn depends largely on the financial fate of the city. Neighbourhoods that would have been unthinkable of living in a few years ago are now invaded by young professionals. Areas that until a few decades ago were restricted to specific ethnic or religious groups are now invaded also by young professionals of all colors and beliefs. This dissemination was in part caused by prices in certain neighbourhoods of Manhattan skyrocketing in what seemed an endless spiral up, while salaries of some New Yorkers were frozen, cut back, or simply evaporated. Thanks to this reshuffling of neighbourhoods, our map for searching places was quite broad, and there were only a few areas totally blacked out from our fishing.

This flexibility of criteria and openness to accept took us to visit places that I had only seen in movies or music videos: the questionable part of Brooklyn and all of Harlem. Harlem had a strong offer. One place was acceptable in terms of space, but the area was quite depressing: sheer grey, just the opposite of the Spanish place at Columbia. The photos from this flat looked fine, but just as if they were taken with a poor camera or in poor lighting. Have you ever been to an Eastern country post some chemical devastation? I haven’t, but I figured that this is how it would look and feel like. After walking down the Latino area of Harlem, where all you listen is Central American Spanish and regeton booming out from every store and car, we came to visit a very fine modern unit on a decent street of Harlem. It looked like brand new. The only questionable aspect was that it was on the same block as the police station (great protection, but maybe too noisy?). This lady who was showing the place handed in her business card. She was a realtor, and although the rent was within budget, her fee was outrageous. If we do not ask, we would have come to the date of closing and found out on the spot about her hefty fees? Do people really think that they can get away with these games, particularly in a renters’ market, and in the low season?

Karen had sent an email apologizing for her forgetfulness and suggesting rescheduling for the following week.

Lesson 1: If on photos something does not look fantastic, it is probably not because of the photo or the camera technicalities, but just because of the place itself! Lesson 2: If something seems too good to be true, it is probably because it is not true!

Condo-Fishing 2: Welcome to the Jungle

During those days of continuous condo-fishing while waiting for the Spanish couple’s response, we were browsing NY in all directions (I will call it ‘fishing’ since we had to ‘pursue, capture and release’ our target, release it once the lease would be over).

Karen from Inwood would show us her place that evening, and would call me in the afternoon to confirm.

It seems that in NY, half the people are very much ‘Swiss’ in terms of punctuality, and half the people are very much the opposite; and you never know until you are meeting with one or the other. The whole subway grid was under major maintenance work. Although I would religiously check their website for scheduled service interruption and alternative routes, it seemed that there was at least once a week an unscheduled event that I would have to ‘endure’. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last stop of this train as ‘express service’. This train will then be stopping at every station.” “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last stop of this train running as “C”; from next stop on, it will make the “V” train route, again, it will run like the “V” train.” Needless to say these unscheduled changes would take place on my way to an appointment with a “Swiss” New Yorker! Of course, and just to add to the stress, there is no reception underground –at least for my super basic cell phone-, and that meant I was swallowed by the big black hole for hours and would come out to the bright surface with a few TXT in desperation, which would incidentally pop out at their own leisure.

Just to top it up, I later learnt from a friend who has been living in Manhattan for a while, that New Yorkers deem as unacceptable giving ‘the subway’ as justification for one’s delay!

Karen never called or answered my e-mails, voicemails and TXTs.

Lesson 1: Even in the US, even in the capital of the world, always plan and allow for the unexpected. Lesson 2: Even in the US, Murphy’s Law applies, just like a Physics law- you can never get away from it, regardless of your geographic location.

Condo-Hunting (1): A Promising Start

After seeing only a few places we found this very decent unit within Columbia University Campus, in the Upper West Side; incredible location at an even more incredible price. The tenants were a Spanish couple who would be leaving on a 3-week trip and wanted to sub-lease their place. We clicked right away, we were all ready to close immediately, however Tomas the tenant told us that he had to run some paperwork through the university. This was the only requirement from the University to have subtenants in their premises. The following day I took Tomas all the documentation that he had requested; he was impressed. Although I truly liked this place, its luminosity, its quietness -in spite of being so centrally located-, its location, I had a hunch that these guys were not very sure of what they were doing.

A few days later, we learnt that Tomas had made a mistake in the procedure: he had filed the request for the authorization at the University office instead of at the School office, who would take anywhere between 3 and 7 days to reply (i.e., they would be already on their trip). This means that they had lost the opportunity of subletting their apartment, and we had lost a gem. They did not want to try some other way around.

During those days of waiting for their response, the hunting (or fishing?)* continued. I realized why, in English, looking for a place to live is referred to as ‘hunting’; we were just starting to experience the elusiveness of our target in the NY wildlife!


Lesson 1: Lie down with dogs and you wake up with fleas (or in Spanish, el que con chicos se acuesta, mojado amanece). Lesson 2: Listen to your hunch!! What are you waiting for?


* “Hunting is the practice of pursuing living animals (usually wildlife) for food, recreation, or trade. Hunting advocates state that hunting can be a necessary component of modern wildlife management. The pursuit, capture and release, or capture for food of fish is called fishing, which is not commonly categorized as a form of hunting. The aspects of skillful tracking and acquisition of an elusive target in the pursuit of game have caused the word hunting to be used the vernacular as a metaphor.” [From www.wikipedia.org]


NOTE: All names in this blog have been changed, unless explicitly noted and with the incumbent’s authorization.

(Alien) Expectations and False Advertising

After a series of developments, the decision was to stay for at least another month in NYC. I embarked in a project that seemed easy considering the excessive supply, overall economic conditions of the city, and my past experience in multiple locations: condo-hunting!

Are these people delusional when providing with descriptions of their nests, or are they deliberately over-selling? How can people live actually in those places? Some of them looked like “normal people”. I mean, if you met them on the street, you would never tell that they live in a filthy, or smelly or depressing place!

At first, arranging condo visits was an exciting and promising task… after a few days of searching on line, spending more hours than anyone would want to on the internet corresponding emails, and on the phone and of course on the subway, it seemed as promising and exciting as looking for a needle in a haystack, with a clock in the countdown. So many mini-dreams -particularly after seeing photos and agreeing on the price and dates-, quickly turned into mini-disappointments after each visit.

Communication! That deserves a paragraph by itself. Do people know how to communicate with the rest of the world or are they intentionally evading my very specific questions (reader-friendly short and sweet questions, listed in bullet points)? OK! I was so spoiled, coming from the corporate world where I was the one asking the questions (because of my job) and where not answering is a sign of weakness or at least a brow-riser.

Expectations! Isn’t life easier with fewer expectations? However, many times we become victims of false advertising, of misleading communication. How many times, we go with an open mind and no expectations (like I was condo hunting), but we get influenced in between (like by the owner commending the beauties of his/her place) and voila: expectation created even without us knowing, inviting it or feeding it. And frustration arises when we realize that the truth will not meet our expectation, even if it is an alien expectation in us.

“I don’t know where my likes and dislikes actually really lead me to but one thing is certain: in order to truly by surrounded by what I like and avoid what I don’t like, I always need to not have likes and dislikes, and just accept.”


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Discovery Times in NYC

As hard as it may be to believe, my days in NY did qualify for making it to “Gypsy’s Bang” (please see my caveats in the first blog entry, in January): they were neither the typical touristy days, nor the typical “Sex-&-The-City” glam days. And overall it was an eye-opening, spirit enduring experience at multiple levels.

In terms of the city, a entirely different New York was revealed to me: so different from the New York I had experienced in my previous visits where I had been pampered as a daughter or as a girlfriend, in one way or another. If Inwood was already something unlike my known NYC, it was just a sample. I not only discovered neighborhoods unknown even for many New Yorkers, but also the almost unbearable underground world (aka, the subway). Do not get me wrong; I was an avid commuter in Toronto’s subway, and I have used it in any city I have been visiting or living –as long as I am not mortgaging my life in pro of adventure or convenience: from Buenos Aires, to Madrid and Athens. But, I have never seen the sadness and grayness I experienced in my long and frequent rides, at all times of the day, in all possible directions within this island, and into and out of it!

In terms of life, I also discovered a number of new, unexpected facts – perplexing and painful, though in hindsight probably positive for me. But, I will leave this for another opportunity…. Maybe a totally different blog, or later on, on this one! Please do not even think that this is to keep you hooked. It is just that I need to earn that ‘hindsight’ and be ready to share with you.

However, on the flipside, I discovered many things about myself too, and most importantly I realized in flesh and spirit who are those who stand by me and love me unconditionally.

“Solutions gotta find a way
Yes I know, nothing ever dies
Everything that’s true will survive
It’s just changing form, day to day
Everything was true it’s bound to see.”


[From the song “Everything” by Radio Citizen feat. Bajka]

Persistence VS. Letting Go

How do we know when to let go and when to persist? How do we know if it is just another obstacle on the road to endure our spirit, or if it is a sign, or yet another sign that we must detour? When shall “Knock, and it shall be opened” be our mantra, and when shall “Go as a river” be our mantra?

Are we in the non-Far-East hard-wired to persist no matter what and to perceive a change of plans as a defeat? Do we see a change of plans as proof of poor decision-making or as a sign of wise eye and resilient muscle? In our society, we listen to a number of proverbs, sayings and quotes reinforcing perseverance: “Persevere and you will succeed”, “If you don’t cry, you don’t get fed” (popular Argentine proverb- not only referring to the fact of voicing your needs, but that a baby probably needs to cry a few times until the mother gets the message), “Pleading to God and persisting” (Argentine saying), “Knock, and it shall be opened” (Jesus Christ*). However, Catholicism also has it’s own ‘let go’ message–it is more of a religious spin than philosophical-psychological; yet same result: acceptance. Trust in God, even when we cannot understand or see the logic.

It is easy to write now. It is difficult for me, when you are in one of those situations, when you have to make that type of decision. In addition, you are probably biased towards continue trying if it is something that you really wanted, or where you have some vested interest.

As pressing as time can feel for making the opportune decision (my ticket was non-refundable and the flight was in less than a week!), time also gives us the gift of perspective when we look back. Hopefully later on, in hindsight –just as I had experienced in other plan-changing decisions-, I get confirmation that it was the best to do.

(*) From the Gospel of Matthew, ch 7, v 7-8. “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, Knock and it shall be opened. For everyone who asks gets, and he who seeks finds and to him who knocks, the door is opened.”



"When someone can forget his intentions and want nothing… the door opens by itself to him.” (Michael Ende, The Neverending Story)

Hushed Hunch?

I started looking at the whole situation from a larger perspective too. Was that the hunch I was feeling while still in Buenos Aires, pushing me to go on one hand and holding me back on the other hand? Was that why I had waited in Buenos Aires until the last minute to get my visa and vaccinations, even though I was so excited about this trip?

I had invested so much time and energy, and some money into this dream. For months I had done tons of research. For months I had not only resisted the steady opposition of some family, but also steadily tried to explain to them my reasons for going, provided them with enough information to help them feel at more ease, and listened to further concerns of dear ones in support of my family’s. I saw all these as obstacles, against which I was persistently fighting to achieve my goal. However, when I read the news, I saw this as a quite clear sign that I should maybe let go; as sad as it can be to abort a plan.

My puzzlement only lasted for those minutes of indecision. Then, I was back in peace: satisfied with the two-fold decision made of not going to India and of staying longer in NY, betting on some other kind of venture. Yet, equally personal, equally at the top of my priority list, venture I would embrace with equally candid, open and devoted spirit.

"Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me." (Carl Sandburg, American poet)

Go as a River

Actually fate popped up at my e-mail account. On Sunday, after waking up from a deep and restoring siesta, I was catching up on my e-mail, which had gone mute for over one week. A friend of mine who was going to coincide with me in India had sent three e-mails asking if I was still going. What had I missed in that week for her to be asking such mysterious question, so persistently? The tone and frequency of these emails were even more perplexing since they were coming from an easy-going, cool young woman. My question was answered fast after a search on CNN: there was a bomb just meters from the ashram I had reservations at; there were a few casualties and also physical damage at the ashram.

The flat was still in silence, as any Sunday afternoon in any city. I was in shock, reading over and over, clicking on every link for more information. As in many other cases, it seemed that it was news for a short period of time, and then it was quickly surpassed by other issues. The initial news were shocking and moving enough to get me frozen for what seemed like long minutes. Should I still go? Is this a one-off or the beginning of a thread? Will I be able to meditate having these events so close in time and space? I e-mailed my closest friends (paradoxically scattered throughout the world), looking for confirmation of a decision that my gut had already taken: cancel. It seemed that now my mind had information that allowed it to align with my gut. My heart had absolutely no problem in staying in NY.

By the evening, it was a closed case. “Are you scared?” “No, I do not need to be scared, because I will not go. What do you think?” “I do not think.” And later I would understand. This was just fate’s first call.

Quote of the Day:


“Spiritual practice is not about going to places and chanting, knowing the stuff and debating. Spiritual practice is the transformation of our perspective and how we look at things. It is how much our mind has changed from negative to positive. That is spiritual practice.”


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Relax Time –Just until Fate Knocks…

Some familiar sensation came to me: even though this was my first time here, the moment I walked into the building, I felt like arriving home -just as it had happened to me when I arrived at the Monastery a few days earlier. Maybe because of the not-totally-unfamiliar NY feeling (yet, NY), maybe because of the obvious Latin presence in the neighborhood where you listen to more Spanish than English on the streets, maybe because of company, maybe because of the last ten days of travels.
I had this mix of relaxing after the trip and the anticipation, unwinding after the excitement of meeting, relaxing after finally meeting -following a long undesired time apart. Has it ever happened to you that you wish something so strongly that you cannot believe it when it comes true? Has it happened to you that you dream of something so vividly and then when you are living your dream, you cannot tell if it is for real? Has it ever happened to you that when this dream comes true, you are so joyful, thankful and relieved that your eyes get watery? Has it ever happened to you that you are in such a state that you feel relaxed and excited, in bliss and in peace, high and yet, mindful and grounded, all together? Have you ever felt in such a way that it is as if nothing can possibly manage to affect your state, your higher perspective, where your heart is very sensitive (in the positive way) and open for giving, receiving and expressing, yet your mind seems to be decoding all developments and stepping in your life just as needed? As if heart and mind and spirit were dancing in perfect synch and harmony.

Probably by now you must be wondering if my descriptions above are those of somebody coming from a week in a Zen monastery. You have read a few times: craving, wish, dream, excited, expectations, anticipation… I believe that as human beings we cannot kill emotions, or ignore them, or hush them. The key is what we do with them, if we let them on the driver’s seat of our lives or if we acknowledge them, take care of them, listen to them and take them into account as another indicator on the dashboard (i.e., they have voice and vote, but no monopoly). Emotions are one of the things that make us human beings different from other creatures. Some people have a negative bias towards emotions; I believe they are missing on a powerful source of energy. Positive emotions can be very empowering, invigorating and contagious, just as negative emotions and emotional manipulation can be draining, equally contagious and even devastating.

After spending a sweet, relaxing weekend, exploring and enjoying the beautiful parks and views in Inwood, fate knocked at my door.


“By realizing that all sentient beings
Are more precious than wish-granting jewels,
For attainment of the supreme goal,
May I always hold them dear to my heart!”


[From “The Eight Verses of Transforming the Mind” by Geshe Langri Tangpa]

Welcome to Manhattan-Not, Canada-Not

I had been to Manhattan uncountable times, however this visit was my ‘first time’ in multiple levels: my first time staying for more than a week, my first time not having a tourist’s life but a local’s life, my first time not staying within walking distance of Central Park.

I was thrilled by the perspective of discovering this new side of NYC and by the couple of weeks ahead. Inwood is obviously not the Upper East Side or the Upper West Side or Chelsea, but it has some undeniable appeal – courtesy of Nature. This North, narrowed tip of the island is blessed with big parks on both Harlem and Hudson Rivers, enhanced with neat trails from where you enjoy some neater views. In Fort Tyron Park the steep hills are not only great to get your cardio workout, but also to enjoy gorgeous views of the Hudson; particularly once you get to the top, at The Cloisters. The Cloisters are like a treasure found at the end of a trail, at the top of a hill, your prize waiting for you. You feel transported to some medieval-like times, while enjoying those fantastic views. Just a few blocks apart from Fort Tyron Park, is the flat Highbridge Park, which follows the Harlem River for over 40 streets. This park –in the shape of a narrow strip- offers a decent extension along the river and beautiful views of the Washington Bridge.

Other than the Cloisters and Washington Bridge, architecture in this part of the city is anything but a ‘must-see’. If you ever come to “Canada” (this is how New Yorkers refer to Inwood), you are better off to come with a spirit of exploration and open mind (you can leave your expectations for glamour and latest trends in the subway!). Yet, as “Canada” as they want to label Inwood, I guarantee that you are still better off than in Canada -at least in terms of proximity to the pulsating heart of Manhattan! If you need to stay in this part of the city, you can always appear in the magic of 40 minutes (what takes to slide along more than half of the island underground) in the middle of Central Park. Thankfully Inwood is well connected through public transit, so when you crave the glamour, or the very well crafted New Yorker anti-glamour, or going to those best-kept-secret restaurants or jazz clubs, or the one thousand other things that you know are waiting for you in the Big Apple, the subway is your passport. There is no Toronto-Manhattan subway yet–and nowhere in Canada have I seen such a strong Latino community as in here!

The Way Back Home (5) – A Sweet Wait

This was supposed to be the express bus, but: this heated miscommunication/distrust incident + the endless line of people boarding in the mall where we stopped (they filled up the bus!) + the traffic to enter Manhattan = anything but express!

The closer we were to Manhattan, the slower we started to move forward. Ironically, although space separating me from my destination was shrinking with every minute, time seemed to be lengthening. It was as if time was playing some game on me: yes, you are almost there, but, it will take longer, and a bit longer, and actually some further bit longer. Part of me would have loved to be ejected from that seat and into the station where they were waiting for me. The other part of me was telling me: ‘go as a river- I know where I am going, I am on my way, no worries, no hurry.’

I got the reply to my TXT where I was advising of my delay: “The wait (to a point) makes it sweeter.” And I smiled- big smile, those that take quite a while to fade. I read the TXT again: it melted my half-anxiety, warmed my heart, and, I smiled again. Now it was 2 of us going as a river.



“No coming, No going
No coming, no going
No after, no before
I hold you close to me
I release you to be so free
Because I am in you and you are in me.”


[From the booklet at Blue Cliff Monastery “SONGS FOR MEDITATION PRACTICE- THIS IS A MOMENT OF HAPPINESS”.]

The Way Back Home (4) – Witnessing Lies or a Miscommunication Mess

The bus station was a small, obscure retail space in a parking lot that looked abandoned. It was freezing cold; the sun was weak and starting to hide. After double-checking for the express bus departure from Middletown to Port Authority station in Manhattan, I decided to wait outside where at least the air was fresh.

The bus finally arrived. A young Caucasian man in a ‘rapper’ look who had been wandering around during my wait offered: “Do you need help, Miss?” “No thank, you.” No one believes it, but I have learnt to carry 2 suitcases and a carry-on sola (these came all the way from Miami and was my luggage for the tail of Winter in NYC and for the scorching heat in India). My method earns some looks of amazement in public places, but I love this independence.

There were only 3 more women boarding the bus, and the driver took off, after exchanging some messages through his radio. When we are way into our ride, he got told-off over his radio for having departed and leaving a passenger behind. He asked if we should go back, and they said NO. Right after that, he got told-off again, apparently by someone different, for having left a couple of minutes earlier, leaving a passenger, and not going back for him/her. His argument got so heated that he stopped the bus, and started asking to us 4 passengers to voice what we had witnessed. Then, to cover his back, he asked us if we would document in writing our ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to his version of the incidents (sure, he was telling the truth), and provided him with our contact info in the event that things got worse. The poor driver, an Afro-American driver probably close to retirement, was so upset, that I was concerned about his health. The worst thing is, that there was no passenger at the station when I boarded -I was the last one to do so-, and that there was another bus leaving to Port Authority only 10 minutes after this one!

I wonder if this driver had no witnesses or if he did not have the smartness of asking that we testify, what would have happened to him? How many injustices like that are? Was it a question of lies or just miss-communication/miss-understanding?

“As for sentient beings who are bad-natured,


When I see they are oppressed by negativity and pain


May I cherish them just like I am encountering


A precious treasure that is difficult to find!”


[ From “The Eight Verses of Transforming the Mind” by Geshe Langri Tangpa]

The Way Back Home (3) – On our Unknown Origins and Questionable Present

- What you were saying about religions reminds me of what happened with the movie about Jesus Christ by Mel Gibson. He wanted to be so accurate and faithful to the story as it has been passed on to us, that he even made the movie in Aramaic. Some people were not happy with the airing of this movie and in some cities of the US there were even threats. This situation prompted the authorities to have police at every movie theater airing this film. How ironic is that? You have a film on the life of Jesus Christ that needs police security because of threats?!

- I did not know that! Unbelievable. So why were they upset? Was this movie breaking any news to them? Or is this the first film on this archaic story?

- And all this going on in the USA, the worldwide top ranker in freedom! Is that freedom? That tells you how screwed up the world is!

- Totally. Listen, I believe that everybody should try this experience, come here (or spend some time with these monastics elsewhere) at least a few days a year. It should actually be mandatory for leaders of organizations and of nations to do this on a regular basis. The world would be a different place! Of course, in an ideal world, plainly everyone in all kinds of organizational and structural pyramids should come.

- So good?

- Yes! And the great thing is that they do not need to Katmandu, it is pretty centrally located.

- What do you think about the origin of man? Was it God, was it a Big Bang, was it evolution?

- Do I need to know? I am here today. I am more interested about the future, in terms of my life and of the whole humanity, than about the past, such a far away past!

- Wow! I had never thought about it that way. I’ve always been obsessed with wanting to know how the man showed up on Earth.

- To your question, I do believe that God/Superior Force or however you want to call it (to me, is God, but I respect if people get itchy or have different beliefs), is the author of this Creation. Now, if God created man exactly as the Bible says, or if that is a fable for easiness of education, or if he created a different kind of human being as we know ourselves today and we evolved into this, or if it was that he made the forces of this Universe meet in certain way that there was a Big Bang, I do not know, and I do not care. I do not see how knowing those details would affect my life today. I believe that God intervened in the Creation, and continues intervening. Maybe I am myopic, maybe I am totally wrong, but that is what I think.

- So, going back home now?

- It depends on what you call ‘home’. Technically I have been home-less for the last few years, and for the last few months I have been traveling around. Home to me is where my loved ones are. So for the last few months I have been going to my several ‘homes’. Yes, I am going ‘home’ now.

Such a short ride (thirty minutes!) for such a juicy conversation. We had already arrived to my destination, but we stayed wrapping up the discussion for a few more minutes, even though he had another customer to pick up elsewhere. We thanked each other for such a rich discussion and exchanged good wishes.

Quote of the Day:

“If we live in forgetfulness, if we lose ourselves in the past or in the future, if we allow ourselves to be tossed about by our desires, anger and ignorance, we will not be able to live each moment of our life deeply. We will not be in contact with what is happening in the present moment, and our relations with others will become shallow and impoverished. “


[From “Our APPOINTMENT WITH LIFE – Discourse on living happily in the present moment”, by Thich Nat Hanh]

The Way Back Home (2) – On East and West

- Christians and Buddhists? They have discipline, rituals, they read the Word and meditate on it –either silently and individually or publicly and in groups- they hold compassion and mindfulness as part of their core message and values (in Christianity it is called ‘love’ or ‘charity’, ‘trust in the Divine Providence’ (do not over- worry about the future) and ‘forgive those who trespass against you’ (do not hang on to the past)). And also in both you need to love yourself first in order to love others; in Christianity it is said that you shall love others in the same way that you love yourself. Also both talk about ‘paradise’ (like in the passage I had to read during my stay the other day).

- There’s some disconnect there, looking at the world: some people do not love themselves or they do not love others just as they love themselves!

- Yes! That’s where I believe that differences kick-in. This community (I cannot speak for all walks of Buddhism) walks the talk. Do you know that the nuns and monks do not talk to you while walking? Either they walk or the talk to you, just because it is impossible to do both things mindfully. Unless you are going on a walking meditation/counseling, where walking is kind of therapeutic in the exchange of thoughts and feelings. But, if you randomly stop them on one of the paths, even if you are walking in the same direction, they will stop, look you in the eye and listen to you. This is very powerful! This is one of the differences I perceive. How many so-called Christians/Catholics do you see and experience practicing what they say to believe in and commit to? We are all human beings and imperfect, I am not judging, I am only sharing what I experience in everyday life.
I also believe that Catholics, after the death of John Paul II were left with no true leader. JPII was not only a true leader for militants, but also a magnet for peoples of all walks of life, ethnicity and religions. And he was publicly walking his talk, no matter what. I believe that sadly, the Catholic Church today is like a multinational that was founded on strong and embraceable values, once was very well run, its founders were brilliant admirable human beings, and its descendants took it to bankruptcy in multiple levels.
Where is the Catholic version of Thich Nat Hanh? Where is the new JPII? TNH is bringing Buddhism with a different spin, so that the West can process it without much of a hangover (particularly on re-encarnation, very tactfully tackled on the margins). TNH is giving answers to real contemporary questions; he is helping real people to tackle the real challenges in the real world, with very simple yet meaningful hints. And his community is walking what they preach and what they are committed to.


Quote of the Day:
“If you believe in God, that’s fabulous; if you believe in Buddha, that’s fabulous; if you don’t believe in anything, that’s fabulous. But please believe in yourself and please believe in the happiness you can bring to the people around you. Believe in that. Wouldn’t that be lovely?”


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

The Way Back Home (1) – On Freedom and Discipline

The same man who had driven me from the Middletown bus station to the Monastery was now taking me back. The difference was that now I was internally stronger and physically more recovered (no jet lag!) than a week earlier. His ability to make conversation engaging the other person is such that he had managed to keep me awake and talking on my way to the Monastery! This young man of Italian ascendance had that type of approachable personality that makes you feel as if we were old intellectual friends- yet he carried himself in a respectful and professional manner. He is the recommended driver for visitors to the Monastery, and he also takes people to other Buddhist monasteries in the region –which there are a few. Having both of us Catholic background and close interaction with Buddhists, the ride ended up being short for our discussion. What had started as a fresh sharing of anecdotes, ended up in the philosophical playground.

- So how was it?
- An oasis! I would truly love to come back some time in the near future.
- Yes, they seem nice people (nuns and monks). Very peaceful.
- One of the things I liked the most was the personal space and personal time I could enjoy. I have been to other retreats before (though this has been my longest stay in religious premises), and I do not remember having this space, this freedom, which are actually healthy, necessary.
- How? What happened?
- First, the standard daily schedule of activities contemplates a few daily hours of personal time in a single chunk. During those hours it is entirely up to you if you want to go for siesta, read, meditate, hike, connect to your computer, sip tea in the tea room while checking out books of their lovely library, work out, do nothing….

Second, they have short recovery periods after each intense activity and again you have the freedom to use those 20-30 minutes at your please. It is incredible that what took the Western world hundreds of years to start acknowledging and respecting, after tons of scientific and field studies, in this ancient Eastern culture has been fundamental part of it all this time. I know that the Bible says: “and on the 7th day, He rested.” But, how many Westerns take that to their heart and lives? We had to wait for some corporate consultant or elite athletes’ counselor to write a best-seller stating that rest is necessary, intermittent recovery periods are fundamental for full engagement and optimal performance, and that workaholism is the only acceptable –and probably required, desirable and admired- addiction in the West! For these people (nuns & monks), there is no other way than respecting the circadian cycles of full engagement and recovery, and yes, there is no shame in taking periodical breaks. This is a way of loving, of respecting human nature and human needs.

Last and not least, they respected my request to have the last half-day for myself: respected in words, in deeds and in not letting such request affect our relationship.

- Yes, other religions are stricter. But, I believe that it is also the way these monastics are; not all Zen Buddhists are like this community. I know there is another monastery here in the area, where they have almost military regime and attitude.
- Well, I am delighted to have been blessed with this experience, very appropriate for my needs. Regardless, I believe that the more I know about different major religions, the stronger I believe that they are more similar than different in terms of core values. Of course, how those core values are interpreted and lived by its militants today, is a different story!
- How do you believe that they are similar?

Quote of the Day:
“If we do not create inner peace, outer peace is not possible.”


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Day 7 – The (happy) End. The (happy) Beginning.

I am happy I have finished copying the excerpts from the books I had selected, since I would like to share and even discuss them with loved ones –hopefully it helps to open some window, if not convincing, that nothingness does not exist; hopefully they trigger some other ways of looking at the world and of perceiving life.

From my window, I can see the long row of people going into the woods for walking meditation, however, I truly believe I need to stay. I might join them for deep relaxation in the afternoon. Also I am tired from all physical activity of the morning, and although today is sunny or sunnier than other days, the wind is super strong up here.

After finishing with all I wanted or needed to do, I was ready to leave. It was time for Deep Relaxation, and I had a few moments before the car would pick me up (mi ride to the bus station). Sister Lang encouraged me to attend, even if it had already started. The Meditation Hall was full of women lying down on their backs on the mats, some of them covered with blankets; I could tell that most of them were already deeply relaxed. There was a recording going on, mingling the meditation guide with soothing chanting. Since I would have only 30 minutes, attending this meditation was more out of exploration and learning, than expecting to achieve a deep relaxation.

Once out of the Meditation Hall and at the Hamlet, the car was already arrived. Sister Lang was very timely available in the tea room, as was my new friend A.. We said good-byes, thanked each other and exchanged positive wishes and contact info. Sister Lang, in all her sweetness and compassion, gave me a yogurt for my trip (as if she knew, it’s my favourite when in USA!).

Even though I feel by times tired, I am also excited and thrilled that I will see my loved ones today after a long separation, and spend a few days together. I am a bit nervous, and my stomach is closed, at the same time, I am very happy. Coming from spending days in a spiritual oasis, going to spend days with loved ones. The beginning of an eventful trip.

“Happiness
Happiness is here and now
I have dropped my worries
Nowhere to go, nothing to do
No longer in a hurry
Happiness is here and now
I have dropped my worries
Somewhere to go, something to do
But I don’t need to hurry.”

[From the booklet at Blue Cliff Monastery “SONGS FOR MEDITATION PRACTICE- THIS IS A MOMENT OF HAPPINESS”.]

Photo: See you soon, my dear Monastery! (above: White Crane Hamlet)

Day 7- The Loop to Bliss

Photo 1: Hiking the Loop- Along the Winding Stream.

Photo 2: Hiking the Loop- through the Woods.

After that I decided to go for the ‘loop’ walk, a famous circuit for hiking amongst monastic and visitors that goes down the hill, along a beautiful stream of water, a road of picturesque houses, and up the cliff again. I have not been able to do it in full because I always had to come back for some activity or commitment. As insignificant as it may sound, having this freedom of going into an unknown path, without the limitation of time felt replenishing. After a week of being bound by slots of time designated for each specific activity, I would enjoy not being bound by any schedule (skipping the 930 working meditation). I was enjoying already having this perspective.

At a moment I thought I had taken the wrong road – I could not tell from any reference if this was the path taking me back to the Monastery, until I saw one of the sisters passing me by in the van. After miles of brisk walking in the crisp morning air, enjoying the views, digesting thoughts and emotions, listening to soothing classical music by times and by times just listening to equally soothing sounds of Nature, the sun came out; I felt wonderful. The clouds have also gone out of my heart and my mind. I received the things that were affecting me from the past, asked myself if there was anything else that I would like to voice about the past, and then started thanking for all my present blessings and looking into the future: these days I will spend in Manhattan with dear ones. And peace came back to me. I had started the walk still sobbing (unsettled emotions, overwhelmed heart and mind), and ended up glowing with a smile. That state of peace, excitement and joy, all in equal parts, none particularly overriding. Peace with the past, joy of the present moment and excitement about the future, knowing that the present contains both the past and the future.

Isn’t this what happens in our lives too? We start a new, unknown path, full of excitement and a sense of freedom and exploration. We might think we are lost at some point, or wonder if we took the right turn, if we are really on the right track. Until we get some sign confirming we are on our way. We may get clouds and it might get chilly, but the sun is always above and it comes out sooner or later. With its light, warmth and brightness, sheer bliss.

“The island within
Breathing in
I go back to the island within myself
There are beautiful trees within the island
There are clear streams of water
There are birds, sunshine, and fresh air
Breathing out
I feel safe
I enjoy going back to my island.”

[From the booklet at Blue Cliff Monastery “SONGS FOR MEDITATION PRACTICE- THIS IS A MOMENT OF HAPPINESS”.]

Day 7 – Getting Ready to go Back to 'the World'

- Sister, I need to excuse myself from participating in monastic activities today. Today is my last day (or partial day) and I feel I need time on my own.

- Maria, I am sorry to hear you are leaving today. I wanted to talk to you about today’s activities too. Maybe you can participate in walking meditation and in deep relaxation?

- Sister, thank you. I truly need time for myself and by myself. I have been ‘hit’ suddenly yesterday with heavy stuff, and I need to digest. I have been feeling sensitive, I need time to recollect and get ready to go back to the world.

- I understand. Maybe just one of those activities, since who knows when you will be able to do this with the support of the community? If you want or need to talk, I am here for you.

- [Tears starting falling down my cheeks; I was deeply moved]. Thank you Sister. I had a deep and rich conversation while going for a long walk yesterday with Sister Lang. I just feel I need time to be on my own.

- We honor that, Maria. Ok, so I will see you at lunch.

- No, I am fasting, I have been fasting since last night.

Her astonishment was apparent.



Quote of the day:


“If we practice walking mindfully, being in touch with the earth, the air, the trees and ourselves, we can heal ourselves and our entire society will also be healed. If the whole nations would practice watering seeds of joy and peace and not just seeds of anger and violence, the elements of war in all of us will be transformed. We must prepare ourselves, whether we have one minute, ten years or one thousand years. If we don’t have time, there is no use in discussing peace, because you cannot practice peace without time.”


[From “OUR APPOINTMENT WITH LIFE – Discourse on living happily in the present moment” by Thich Nat Hanh]

Day 7- Real Practice: Taming Frustration

Last night I went to bed at 8, and at 930, someone gets into my room! I had not been told anything. I was deep asleep and feeling kind of dizzy. I think I mumbled something like “Are you sure you come to this room?”. I got up and moved the suitcases out of the way. I think it took me some time to go back to sleep, particularly because my mind was hammering me: ha! Is this loving kindness and compassion? Why didn’t they send this woman to the other rooms which are half empty? Or even worse, to the other 4 guest rooms which we cleaned this morning and are empty –and fully heated!! As tired as I was, my mind seemed to be unstoppable, wild. Finally I could surrender to sleep.

This morning I was not going to meditation at 530, but I woke up still right after my surprise roommate had left the room and worked out. When going for breakfast, my mind was already calmer. Then I was happy: I had let my anger/frustration grow, become voracious and die, without manifesting externally. I also realized there were more cars and more people also in the other rooms. Was it time and rest that tamed that mental formation? Was it the additional information my mind processed? Was it my conscious handling of that mental formation? Was it all together?

After breakfast I decided to look for a sister.

Photo: Gold & Blue & Gray Sunrise

Quote of the day:
“Do not hold anger, it benefits no one. Do not act out of anger, you will only be ashamed afterwards. Do not incite anger because you will be burned. Be the first to make peace. Be the peacemaker and wherever you go, you will be loved and be able to love.”


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Day 6 – Spiritual Thunder

As odd as it may sound, I totally feel like fasting now, my whole being is requesting this. And even in the event I would come across some compulsion or temptation, I will breathe deeply and slowly 10 times and bring to my mind those loved ones that are suffering.

I have gone on a deeply spiritual mode today, as if it suddenly hit me, all what I have been reading, writing and listening to these days. Interestingly, I had been kind of concerned or curious that I was absorbing and seemingly not digesting, until now, I was having no enlightenment. I had it last night with those questions I wrote ‘for later’, and I had it today with this lightning of petals. It was strong and deep, yet gentle.

Right after this super rich walking meditation (out-loud meditation and advice), I felt like coming quickly to my room and writing everything down: (a) because I needed to digest and wanted to record somehow in order to be able to come later to this, and (b) because I needed to digest by myself, on my own. After an hour of writing, it was time for sitting meditation and chanting. The first half-hour was of silent sitting – and then it was half an hour of chanting by the nuns in Vietnamese; beautiful melodies that helped soothe my emotions and spirit. It was freezing cold; even with the heat in the temple it seemed not enough. I rushed for a cup of hot tea and to call the taxi for tomorrow.

I came to my room, had a tiny mandarin, was going to get ready for exercise but I feel drained in every sense. I only managed to do some strength training for 20 minutes and made the list of things I want to accomplish tomorrow before leaving. I wanted to work out vigorously, but I am deeply drained, physically and mentally. After receiving a sweet and heart-warming phone call, it’s time to rest. Tomorrow I will take the day very lightly…

Quote of the day:
“Some days we may feel hollow, exhausted, and joyless, not really our true selves. On such days, even if we try to be in touch with others, our efforts will be in vain. The more we try, the more we fall. When this happens, we should stop trying to be in touch with what is outside of ourselves and come back to being in touch with ourselves, to ‘being alone’. We should close the door onto society, com back to ourselves, and practice conscious breathing, observing deeply what is going on inside and around us. We accept all the phenomena, we observe, we say ‘hello’ to them, smile at them. We do well to do simple things, like walking or sitting meditation, washing our clothes, cleaning the floor, making tea and cleaning the bathroom in mindfulness. If we do these things, we will restore the richfulness of our spiritual life.”


[From “OUR APPOINTMENT WITH LIFE – Discourse on living happily in the present moment” by Thich Nat Hanh]

Day 6 - A Touch (and Voice) from Heaven

- Sister, it’s so difficult to be a layperson in this sick society, even with those that are closest to me: they question my year off, they question my relationships and friendships. It seems that you have to fit into certain mold.


- If you find your happiness during your year off, then there is no money that can buy that.

- I was in Key Biscayne a few months ago, walking by myself like every evening, enjoying sunset while reflecting along the beach. However this specific day, I witnessed the most gorgeous sunset ever (and I am sunsets’ #1 fan), the clouds going from pink to orange, the sky with that unique neutral color seemed the perfect background to enhance the clouds’ hues, the ocean was pink and the moon was coming out on the water! I felt so happy and blessed to be gifted with such a show, however, I was equally unsatisfied (sad?) because I could not share my thrill and joy and that magnificent sunset with anyone. It was as if the tremendous joy from witnessing such a sunset was cut in half because I had no one to share and appreciate with. Something similar happened to me when I was living in this incredible condo, with a breathtaking view, but no one to share with. I also see so many people that ‘fit in the mold’, or have the ‘perfect life’ for an outside eye, but they do not smile! I don’t want any of that. I want a sunset I can share with. I was happier in a tent in the cold in Catskills than in the gorgeous place by myself. I don’t want to fit in a mold (like be married) and unhappy; I’d rather be not-married and happy.

- All that is good.  We should be aware of our happiness, we cannot expect to be happy 24 hours a day, but even if we have a moment of happiness in a day, we should be grateful and delighted.

- With all these stereotypes in people’s minds… maybe they are right and I am wrong (in terms of forms of life)….[interrupting me]

- There is no right or wrong. You are happy or not.

- Sister, isn’t simple life so healthy? You (the monastery) are supposed to be a place for the modern society to heal, an oasis. Yesterday I read on one of Thay’s books something that really caught my attention and I believe he is right: we are forcing people to get used or adapt to a sick society. How healthy is that?

And that then, when I want to take a year for myself, I get questioned or rejected.

- Your year off will not only be good for yourself, but for all those around you; they will also feel the effects.

- Sister, can meditation through visualization also be considered meditation?

- Yes, mediation is any way we can still our mind. We cannot drink water that is shaken because we don’t know if it is clear and pure and drinkable. Maria, this has been my longest advice session since I was ordained in October! (laughing)

- Thank you so much, Sister! Well, now you got your Masters degree!

- I realized that you were always alone, by yourself. I perceived that you had something to say or to share, and one feels lighter when one can do so. That’s why I had offered you to go for a walk. (with her sweetest smile and manners)

I was so deeply touched, by her words and attitude; I was in tears by now. I am still crying, because this is God (or however you wish to call that Force or Being or the Universe),  telling me through this nun, that all the things I am doing, it is OK, in spite of all the difficulties, of all the opposing; everything is fine. And also touched because this is walking their own talk: sheer awareness, sheer compassion, sheer perception. I am totally moved; so much I feel my head and heart like with electricity.



Quote of the day:


“Let others win whether they are right or wrong. Let go of conventions, rules, projections, expectations. Just BE and do not let any experience which happens every moment be another factor for us to create more unhappiness because everything fades, just the results remain.


Surrender means opening up, your wounds, pain, suffering and desires. Surrender means you are ready to hear the truth.”


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Day 6 – No Death, No Fear

What we had started talking in the morning -and I don’t know how it started- was nothing less than about death. I said I was concerned with my dear and close friend and the imminent death of his mom, how he keeps avoiding the subject (“I don’t want to talk about that”) and then when he is facing death of a loved one, he does not know how to cope with it (as with his friends’ daughter’s death). I warned her that he is difficult to convince of anything because he is very bright first, and second because he only believes in what can be demonstrated, in science. I was worried, wanted to help, but at the same time, felt helpless. So she said that in the afternoon she would tell me some ideas, and in the meantime she would also let me come up with something.
So we met and started our walk through the famous loop, into the woods, along the stream. Sister opened up:

- We are like leaves of a tree. They fall, but it’s not that they die and become nothing. Nothingness does not exist. They become nutrition for the soil. They continue to exist but they manifest in a different way. The same happens with people: they continue to exist through their sons and daughters.

- What if they don’t have any?

- Even if they have no physical kids, everybody in their lives has left some mark in some people’s lives, and that mark (whether it is a teaching, a piece of advice, a role model, etc.) is how they stay alive.

- What if the story of the leaf is not sellable?

- It is not a story, it is science: if in a family there is a history of diabetes, then there are high chances that future generations get diabetes. So the education, the genes -physical and of character or personality- the way he was brought up, all of that has a piece of his mom. So his mom is not dead or will not die, she will live through him.

- What if I can still not move him to go and explore that other path?

- Tell him to read “No Death No Fear”. However, the strongest eye-opener for him, will be your practice, to see you practice.



Quote of the day:
“Whether we believe in a next life or in heaven is not as important as how we treat others now.”


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Day 6 - A Morning with Sister “Spirituality”

Photo: Pink Sunrise on Blue Mountains.

Today is my last full day at the Monastery. And it went so incredibly fast. I think that I could spend easily a lot more time here. Even much so, I’ve been thinking that if one day I was totally sola in this world, I would consider living here.

My "lazy morning” consisted of getting up at 6.30am, doing some washing and yoga, going for breakfast, and some intense jog-walk-lunges session in the woods, to come back to the scheduled working meditation. Something interesting happened: I had been assigned with taking care of the orange tree in the Jade Meditation Hall and a woman who had just arrived was assigned with stacking wood. However when they mentioned her task, she became all uneasy and said she did not have the strength to do so. A. and I jumped saying we could do so. But then the sister said that it was not necessary to stack any wood since it had been done 2 days ago; however that I could go and help Sr. Lan in housekeeping. And Sr Lan was my blessing of the day and of this stay. Although it took me a while to find her because she was already working, she was sheer joy and happiness. I had to vacuum two guest rooms, as well as clean their bathrooms. I guess she felt not-good with my assignment and said we could switch, alternating tasks. I said it was honestly the same for me. And I ended up cleaning 2 bathrooms, and she vacuumed the 2 rooms. Then she said if I wanted to help her folding clothes in the laundry, and she dispatched the other girl who had done the full third room by herself. We were talking about Thay (TNH) and about life; we connected really well and I believe she is highly perceptive. Then she invited me to go for a walk in the afternoon, at 2, with her usual enthusiasm and quiet happiness. We went for a 1.5-hour walk.

Quote of the day:
“Universally, whatever country, race or religion, the thought of taking pain and suffering for others onto ourselves, quietly and secretly, is true spirituality”.


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Love: The Melter of All Negative Formations

As promised, some pointers from the Dharma talk:


- We all have a ‘knife’ in our heart, or knives. Where is the knife in my heart? Who shall I forgive for those knives?

- What knives have I thrown? What suffering have I caused? Have I asked for forgiveness?

- Have we ever thought that people who ‘throw knives’ at others, is because they are in pain, they have a ‘knife’ in their hearts. This is not a justification, this is nature

- Cultivate the happy- when we are not in anger or in fear, when we have those moments of no-craving and we are just happy, be aware of those, and water those seeds; they will be our antidote for the moments of anger, fear, craving.

- Acknowledge be aware of the negative emotions/mental formations and acknowledge it and treat it with the opposite. Usually love/loving kindness/compassion melts all.

- Separation creates anxiety & fear. How to tackle this? With openness, connectedness.

Day 5 - STOP! Rest. Be. Be Happy. Make Others Happy.

Then it was Dharma sharing at 2.30pm. This consists of one hour of sharing insights, experiences, thoughts about the Dharma we listened in the morning, very much like what we do in Catholic groups. I did not talk, since I did not feel with the right to do so. Although the oldest monk –the one with whom we shared an after-dinner chat- said that he would be interested in knowing the opinion of first-comers. Thankfully a lady who came for the day, talked. I felt very emotional, and above that, as if I had absorbed too much- I couldn’t put two words together. The bell rang.

Better news: one of the girls walked in to tell me that tomorrow is lazy morning! So no waking up at 5am! I am glad that I made it these 2 days at least. I would have felt horrible otherwise. I hope I can stay Saturday and have my own ‘me day’. I was planning to go to the village and spend the day at a Gym or at a Spa until the time to catch the bus, but I have enjoyed this place and its energy and its people so much, that I will stay!

This is also something wonderful and worth imitating of this culture and religion: they have several breaks along the day and along the week. Fridays are always “lazy mornings”. And then once a week they have ‘total body relaxation’ meditation. Hmmm! I am currently reading “The Power of Full Engagement” and one of the core messages in the book is precisely this: that we need periodical recovery periods to perform at our best. So in the Western world we are only NOW coming to the same conclusion as this culture did thousands of years ago… What else are we missing? What is even sadder and more concerning is the fact that not even this Western best-seller written by Westerns seems to be assimilated by Western organizations (i.e., by Westerns!). Everybody, everywhere seems to be treating human beings more and more as mere profitability machines. Work-aholism seems to be not only the only acceptable addiction but a desirable one! And in many organizations, work-aholism seems to be the only way to keep your job, to keep doing more with less. Is there a limit to the "more" and to the "less"? Who are you making happy?

Photo: Snow Coming- again...

Quote of the day:

“Dharma (dharma = righteous duty, or virtuous path) is not about who is right and who is wrong; it is not about whose centre is big, it is not about which religion is right, it is not about whether there is a next life or not, it is not about whether Buddha exists or God exists, it is not about whether Catholicism is the real religion or Buddhism is the real religion, it is not about any of that. It is about us bringing harmony into our families, into our lives and to the people we care about NOW. That is what it is about.


The effect we have on others when we make them happy without motive and when their mind is happy because of us, that is Dharma (dharma = righteous duty, or virtuous path).”


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Day 5 – Breezy Morning in spite of Gusty Winds

Photo 1: Incandescent Sunrise in the Blue Mountains.

Photo 1: Shades of a Sky, from Gold to Blue.

I don’t know why -although I learnt so later-, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning (wee-er than my 5am alarm!) and was restless in bed. I decided to get up, out of frustration of not being able to go back to sleep, just to see that it was just minutes before 5am!

Today, the gusts of wind were not only strong, but also literally face-breakingly freezing. To my surprise, my meditation went like a breeze… by the time the bell rang, I wasn’t sure it was marking half an hour or the end. It was the end! I am an apprentice, of course, but I was by moments mindful of my mental formations, by moments praying, by moments being grateful for each thing, by moments being grateful and happy for the upcoming days and the people in my life. And I felt my face was smiling.

After breakfast we had Dharma talk, a talk by Thay (“Thay” means Master, and this is how they call TNH) that was recorded and translated live by the sister who gave me orientation. She seems bright, but reminds me of me a few years ago, and a few months ago: by moments too stiff, too tense. The same as the older nun. So why is it that women with more responsibility get tenser? Those nuns that are heart-light and happy or smiling all the time, as if they knew something I don’t, are usually more naïve, or have less responsibilities, or are less skilled/bright. The Dharma was so brilliant and rich that I asked the sister if she had the transcript. I could be reflecting on it for a whole month on it. Pointers of the Dharma to follow…

Although we had walking meditation right after Dharma, the gusts of wind were overly strong, and I thought I would not stand them walking so slowly and with not the best winter attire (not the thick and long parkas that the nuns and monks have!). So when I listened that A. was going for a run instead (I mean, that it would not be considered inappropriate), I decided to do the same. My afternoon started beautifully with a sweet, surprise phone call right after lunch and shower.

Quote of the day:
“What is right or wrong is how happy or unhappy you feel. And feeling happy or unhappy is not determined solely by an outer, physical environment. It is a state of mind.”

[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Day 4- A Day for Myself (aka, a Day of Giving to Others)

After exercise time and breakfast, I could not stop myself from going for a brisk walk in the sun (in spite of the slippery roads). We had working meditation and I was pleased to see I was in charge of shoveling, together with a lovely nun and 2 other women. I shoveled with M, a Greek girl from Manhattan, and we did a lot! Then we had walking meditation but I had some minutes (usually they allow 30 minutes between one activity and the next one), so I was going to go for a walk. I started but the gusty wind was killing me, and I did not like the road on the opposite direction, so I came back shortly after and I saw this not-young lady –she is a lay person but has been living at the monastery for a while- trying to unbury her car out of the snow. I asked if she wanted help, and without even waiting for her to answer, I grabbed the broom out of her hands and finished the work. She was delighted and thankful all day for that. In some way she reminds me of my grandmother. Then we did walking meditation (I finally met the ‘loop’) in the woods, with the brothers. I wanted to have some siesta, since my back was killing me after 1.5 hours of shoveling, but I received a pleasant surprise by TXT. I was so happy that I was crying, tears of sheer joy, exuberant joy.


I skipped Darma sharing and later on went to Sutra meditation. The sister with whom I had shoveled snow asked me to read the second half of Sutra. Thankfully the first part would be read by another sister, since it was full of names that were difficult to pronounce even for this Asian nun!

20 minutes chit-chatting with A., the Canadian lawyer who lives in Manhattan- she confessed she is not a Buddhist or cannot define herself as such because she cannot buy yet into re-encarnation. She also told me about how she felt discriminated out of the Catholic church for her parents being divorced. Then we talked about bringing our boyfriends here. And she commended my braveness for having told my family (specially my parents) that I was coming here- the Korean loud girl, she did not tell them because they are Missionaries!

We had dinner at 6 as usual and I again managed to behave. I think that I achieved the goal of thinking or doing things for others all day long: even if it was something as basic as eating, I would commend small sacrifices for others, like not having the food I like the most, or having smaller portions. I now feel the tiredness of the day, pleasant one, not overwhelming one, but the one you feel good to surrender to.

Quote of the day:
“In giving to others, you give to yourself; in giving to yourself, you give to others because the happier you become, the more you can do for others. And the only way to create happiness for yourself is by making other people happy.”

[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Day 4 - The Impermanent Joy of Impermanence

Photo 1: Pink sunrise on white snow and dark skies.
Photo 2: Fuchsia clouds through the tree branches. Breathtaking gold brooch for 5.30am meditation!


Today was a great day. All the restlessness, or weirdness I felt yesterday stopped today. Snow falling stopped today. Heart-beating depletion stopped today. ‘Lazy days’ stopped today (‘lazy days’ are light-scheduled days, after TET celebrations). I woke up at 5.10am to be at 5.25am at the Big Hall for sitting meditation and chanting with the brothers. By the time we finished (1 hour), the sun was rising as a fuchsia stripe in the horizon, on the blue mountains, seen as through transparent paper. I survived the hour crossed-legged on the floor, and my legs and back too! I was kind of proud and definitely happy! Of course my mind was everywhere, like a frog –as the nun had said yesterday. But, bearing in mind it was my first time, I was happy with what I had achieved. It was everywhere although not in nonsense places: praying by times, praying in gratefulness and for my family and loved ones, getting assaulted by things to do, going back to respiration: observing it in mindfulness.


Why it felt like such a good day?


Quote of the day:
“Yes, your difficulties and your problems are genuine, they are real, but they will also pass.

The conditions for someone to be perfect are impermanent. The conditions for someone to be imperfect are impermanent. Do not be attached to either.”

[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Day 3- The Peaceful Pacifying Storm

Photo 1: Snowstorm in the Monastery.

Photo 2: Monks walking in the snowstorm.

Photo 3: Snowstorm from my window.

By moments I am so much into the moment that I have lost track of the day of the week or the number of the day.

When I woke up today at 6am, it was snowing; and even though it was freezing in the room, I pushed myself to get up for an hour of yoga.

Snowing non-stop. All day.

This is my first snow-storm in 3 or 4 years, and after 7 years of having plenty of them in Toronto! I do not miss them, but there is always something special about the first snow storm of the season. Although calendar-wise, this is the end of the Winter, these are my first Winter days in a long time.

There is something peaceful and magical in snowing, unlike thunder storms, where it seems that heaven wants to demonstrate its power to us, to humble us. The silence and quietness of snowing, everything seems to be in slow motion, or even stopped still for a long moment. Except for the shoveling truck driving by my road, driven by the monk who registered me and lent me his computer. Except for an occasional car passing by the main road (the main road separates the Nuns from the Monks). This oasis of peace needs no peace enhancer… I take the snow storm as a baptism for those of us visitors from the hectic world, a baptism of peace, gently convincing to slow down, to stay in, to appreciate.

Quote of the day:

“A person outer action reflects his inner mind”.

[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]

Day 2- Froglessness, Training to Relax and Enjoying a Nourishing Path

Photo: Rays of Sun through Dark and Orangy Skies.

During tea meditation, one of the sisters started reading a story about “froglessness”: if we put a frog on a plate, it will jump out, in any direction. It cannot stay still. That is how our mind is: trying to jump out and in any direction, all the time.


The sister that had given me the orientation explained that the main objective here is to train our minds to relax, as funny as it sounds, “train to relax”, through mindfulness. Through mindfulness we are not only happier and more aware, we also make those around us happier and we can achieve those breakthroughs. And concentration is easier. All this also helps us to smile, even when we do not feel like smiling (she recognized that even themselves they sometimes do not feel like smiling!).

At dinner, the big monk was asking me questions: “what is your name sister? Where are you from?” He said I am on a very rich spiritual path. I said I am just starting it, and I hope it is really rich. Then he provided some food for thought: “the important thing is that we enjoy, yes, we have to be strict with our practice, but smile; we are too serious, we take everything too seriously, we have to relax and smile while we practice. Whatever spiritual path we choose, it has to be nourishing.”


Warm belly and warm heart. Food is incredibly delicious, and monastics are warm, naturally warm and welcoming. By moments it seems we have known each other for some time, and not for 2 days…

Quote of the day:

The greatest mind is not about wanting other people to change; but you yourself changing and accepting other people. The greatest mind is to stop thinking when they will change. No, we should think: “When will I change?”


[From “IF NOT NOW, WHEN?” by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, www.kechara.com. Kechara is a non-profit Buddhist organization.]