Condo-Fishing 5: Diamond at the Price of Zirconia

And while living in Long Island City, after moving out of Inwood, this circumstantially adopted, unwillingly over-prolonged sport of essential fishing took us back to Inwood. The irresistible bite was this ad: “True diamond at the price of zirconia.” The woman said she did not have a camera to send us pictures but we could visit it that same day. And so we did.


The building was on a noisy avenue, by some kind of ‘mom-and-pop’ yet apparently popular church, in an area of Inwood that seemed like the heart of the Latino community. The building was also clearly busy: young women and their kids, teen-agers and young men that were ‘produced’ as if they were extras from the latest rap or regetton video. On the way to this unit, I have had more than a full meal, out of the different smells flowing into the common areas. To our surprise this middle-aged woman came walking out of her place towards the elevator to greet us. Nice gesture. Until she licked one by one her fingers and offered her very well licked hand for a hand-shake! My neurons were scrambling looking for alternatives for not shaking hands, and I could feel my hand almost sucked to my side and pulling back on its way for that unavoidable shake.

If the corridors were the food department, we had now arrived at the pet-shop! I would have had a hard time telling what scent of those was the strongest. Although the flat was bright, on a high floor, with a picturesque view of the hills of one of the lovely parks and would allow enjoying sunsets, unfortunately the place was not even a zirconia! She invited us to sit down while continuing chatting, but I was ready to run away! Even much so when I saw the thick film of dust on every single surface where my eyes would rest. We would need to hire a professional cleaning army before moving here- and be ready to give them a waiver for guaranteed results!

And Karen? She rescheduled the appointment, again. Does she really want to rent the place? Is this a scam?

Lesson 1: Do not visit places without first having seen photos, no matter how sensitive the justification for not having pictures may sound and no matter how many carats this diamond may be.
Lesson 2: Beware of false advertising, unless you are willing to adapt wasting time and energy as your new hobby.
Lesson 3: Beware of the Karens of the world, unless you are willing to adapt wasting time and energy as your new hobby, or wake up with fleas! (yes, a few alternative paths take you to the same destination).

Lesson for Landlords: Beware of false advertising; you are creating unrealistic expectations and scaring away potential business. Infallible recipe if your goal is burning bridges.

From Long Island City to Inwood. 40 minutes 'in theory'; over 60 in reality. Source: GoogleMaps